42 Pieces Of Wise, Funny, And Naughty Advice From Grandparents

"'A cigarette's got fire on one end and a fool on the other." - my grandpa when I was like 12."

"My grandma once chastised me for wearing underwear to bed because I need to 'let my taco air out'"

"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. So don't waste it."

"My grandpa said that a few times, but grandma once bested him by several miles. When my wife and I were trying to conceive she was complaining to my grandma about calendars, ovulation tests, etc. She concluded by saying that getting pregnant was a "pain in the a**."

My dear sweet grandma immediately replied "If it hurts there, you're doing it wrong." The shades of purple I saw on my wife's face that day were truly spectacular."

senatorkneehi said:
"When I excitedly told my grandmother that the boy I liked was going to prom with me, she said "Don't wear anything with zippers. Make him work for it." She was a spectacular woman."

Choralone replied:
"Grandparents can be great for frank advice... after a certain point in life, many people loosen up again and just speak plainly. It's great."

"My gram gave me a diary when I went to college and said "write a lot, it's the only way you will remember what happened in college."

Mildly accurate."

"Sage advice from my grandmother, while organizing her china cabinet and admiring family heirlooms: "As your parents and relatives age, it's a good idea to start giving them gifts that you really want for yourself, because they're going to find their way back to you rather soon. It's what I've always done! Just remember - 'We don't plan to fail, we fail to plan!'"

"Have love and respect for your family, and your friends but above all, yourself."

"My grandmother once told me 'The best way to get over a man is to get under another.'"

"When I was 15, my mom had walked into my boyfriends room (we were at his house and she was coming to pick me up; his mom just sent her to his room). She caught us making out (of course, since it was the first time ever), and she was LIVID. I got a whole talk about how I was only 15 and how I was too young for that. That weekend, I went to my grandma's and told her about it (we were close) and my grandma replied "What's she think you're gonna do with your life, be a nun?"'

"My grandma, whilst once discussing my new boyfriend, was asking why I was only dating one man. Her 87-year-old advice to 23-year-old me was that in her day she would line up multiple dates, with multiple men to try them out, and once you went on enough dates with one person, then you would go steady. That was the norm. I had to nicely explain to my super conservative Irish catholic grandmother that that is what we so kindly refer to as a "player" nowadays.

Her response: 'Well, I guess I was a player then.'"

"It's always better to let it out than to keep it in," said my Grandma in regards to passing gas and burping (belching in her case)."

"My grandma told me not to date girls from the south in college because they all wanted to get married too young... surprisingly good advice."

Dr_Duty_Howser replied:
"My school's unofficial motto is "a ring by spring or your money back." I feel like I am the only one in South Carolina that doesn't want to be married at 20..."

"Always assume anyone who punches you has the will to kill you. Act accordingly and always treat a fight like its for your life. - Grandpa"

"Be good... and if you can't be good, be smart."

"My grandma once told, while very drunk, if you don't have lube on hand melted butter works just fine..."

"When I came out to my grandma, she smiled and told me not to have s** with dudes in restroom stalls. Thanks, Grandma!"

"Don't make yourself too useful."

"When you make good choices in life, you are in a better position to have good results."

"If you meet a man in a bar... that is where he will be throughout your marriage."