To quote Scout Barry from Moneyball, who was trying to persuade Billy Beane to commit to the New York Mets, "We're all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children's game, we just don't know when that's gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we're all told."
However, not everyone hears it. On Reddit, a user named Pigeon_Bones_ opened a conversation about the worst cases of people who never managed to grow up. From mooching off parents to throwing tantrums, the discussion has become a sad and cringey catalog of missed opportunities and wasted potential. But who knows, maybe these folks can still turn it around.
#1
A guy I went on a date with about a decade ago. I didn't want to see him again (for a lot of reasons) and he d**n near threw a tantrum in which he said I was "discriminating him" for knowing that women need a heavy hand and to be controlled so we don't malfunction, insisted that white Christian men are the most discriminated group in the history of the world, claimed that I 'owed' him a chance at a long-term relationship because he was interested, whined that I didn't have the right to decide to be child-free without consulting him further down the road in our relationship, shouldn't be allowed to have opinions because I'm not politically conservative, and said that as a woman, I was too stupid to know what I wanted and needed 'a man like him' to think and make decisions for me. He kept texting and emailing me variations of his tantrum for nearly 6 months demanding I give him reasons *he* thought were valid to end our 'relationship' (you know, the one that didn't exist?).
The kicker? NONE of this came up on the date. My dating profile said I was child-free by choice for medical reasons. He's the reason I don't give out my number to potential partners until after a date. That's the kind of behaviour I would expect from a 15-year old, not a grown man.
The kicker? NONE of this came up on the date. My dating profile said I was child-free by choice for medical reasons. He's the reason I don't give out my number to potential partners until after a date. That's the kind of behaviour I would expect from a 15-year old, not a grown man.
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70points
#2
My brother and sister. Through no fault of their own.
My sister has chrons and recently developed psychosis. My brother is a high functioning autistic. I am the youngest and the only one working.
They were both enabled by my parents. "They're not feeling well so they cant do it!" Was very common for me. "Hes a boy so he doesnt need to learn how to do chores" was another classic. "Her tummy hurts so you have to clean the kitchen instead" was another. I grew up hearing excuses for them.
They are now 33 and 30. Do not know how to cook or clean so I do it all. They are under my care since my mom passed. I am 27. I am exhausted. I am making them learn because I refuse to be 50 and still look after them.
My sister has chrons and recently developed psychosis. My brother is a high functioning autistic. I am the youngest and the only one working.
They were both enabled by my parents. "They're not feeling well so they cant do it!" Was very common for me. "Hes a boy so he doesnt need to learn how to do chores" was another classic. "Her tummy hurts so you have to clean the kitchen instead" was another. I grew up hearing excuses for them.
They are now 33 and 30. Do not know how to cook or clean so I do it all. They are under my care since my mom passed. I am 27. I am exhausted. I am making them learn because I refuse to be 50 and still look after them.
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55points
Of course, there's a gray area when it comes to defining what makes someone an adult. Different people have different values, and not everyone measures maturity by the same standards.
Traditionally, though, researchers often highlight four common milestones: moving out of the parental home, securing full-time work, getting married, and having children.
In the United States, for example, nearly half (or 45%) of 25- to 34-year-olds had checked all four boxes back in 1975.
But a newly released U.S. Census Bureau working paper suggests the picture looks very different today.
#3
The guy who quit jobs every 2 weeks because 'they didn't vibe with him', then blamed society.
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45points
#4
My neighbour.
He is 35, lives with his parents. Has a $100k Mercedes and a motorbike, but argues with his parents weekly how he needs the $1000/week allowance they give him to live.
He is 35, lives with his parents. Has a $100k Mercedes and a motorbike, but argues with his parents weekly how he needs the $1000/week allowance they give him to live.
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43points
#5
Ex decided he would rather drink, and play games rather than maintain a job, put any effort into paying his (like 20%) share of bills or taking care of himself or putting any effort into a relationship with me or my son. When I left he expected me to continue paying rent and electricity for him to have a party house with his friends. He ended up getting evicted and last I heard he was beating up his new gf in a tent he lives in behind a gas station.
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43points
Over the decades, the most common milestones shifted from family-centered to economic ones. In 2024, only about 21% of 25- to 34-year-olds had achieved all four traditional markers of adulthood—living independently, working, being married, and having children.
Fifty years earlier, reaching only the economic milestones (securing employment and moving out of your parents) was the fourth most common experience for young people (6%). Now, it has become the dominant path: 28% of young adults fall into this category.
#6
A good pal of mine, who’s recently grown out of this (thanks to a healthy relationship with an emotionally mature partner), was almost 40 and still living with his mom. Now, that itself isn’t bad, no shame there, but he didn’t shop for himself for anything other than computer parts or dnd tchotchkes, relying on her to keep him fed and clothed; on the subject of dnd, again until recently, he played 6-8 games a WEEK, showing up late to work or skipping other social engagements to play.
He’s grown up a lot since he got in his relationship, and I’m really proud of him- she’s a great lady and has some baggage and stuff of her own, so they’ve been helping each other a lot and it’s nice to see. I’m not a ‘you’re not living if you’re not growing’ kinda guy, I think that’s a bit reductive tbh, but I’m happy to see him making strides for himself.
He’s grown up a lot since he got in his relationship, and I’m really proud of him- she’s a great lady and has some baggage and stuff of her own, so they’ve been helping each other a lot and it’s nice to see. I’m not a ‘you’re not living if you’re not growing’ kinda guy, I think that’s a bit reductive tbh, but I’m happy to see him making strides for himself.
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41points
#7
I had a friend who had a massive trust fund that he blew on partying booze and weed. He became a massive alcoholic and never really grew up. He was the most spoiled kid I've ever seen. He had some legal issues and turned his life around recently. Hes working on a masters in cybersecurity so it seems like he's doing pretty well. Hes sober now, and we've recently reconnected. His attitude us completely different. People can change with motivation.
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38points
#8
A neighbor. Late 40s, barely graduated high school, never showed any interest in higher education. Still lives with his now-elderly parents.
Occasionally works minimum wage jobs when his parents force him to get one; none of those jobs last more than a few months.
Badgered his parents into buying him an expensive, fancy truck that he rarely drives because they make him spend his own money on gas for it. Drives his parents' car everywhere.
As far as we know he's never had a real girlfriend (although he's gotten catfished a few times) and we're pretty sure he's probably a virgin although he claims he gets "lots of p***y".
His parents told him they were leaving him their house, which is paid for. His interpretation of that is that when they're gone he'll live debt-free for life. He refuses to acknowledge everyone who tries to tell him that he'll have to pay property taxes and utilities...after all, they said the house is paid for so he won't possibly get billed for anything.
Sadly I give it 18 months tops after his parents die before he gets kicked out of his dark, cold, no-running-water house.
Occasionally works minimum wage jobs when his parents force him to get one; none of those jobs last more than a few months.
Badgered his parents into buying him an expensive, fancy truck that he rarely drives because they make him spend his own money on gas for it. Drives his parents' car everywhere.
As far as we know he's never had a real girlfriend (although he's gotten catfished a few times) and we're pretty sure he's probably a virgin although he claims he gets "lots of p***y".
His parents told him they were leaving him their house, which is paid for. His interpretation of that is that when they're gone he'll live debt-free for life. He refuses to acknowledge everyone who tries to tell him that he'll have to pay property taxes and utilities...after all, they said the house is paid for so he won't possibly get billed for anything.
Sadly I give it 18 months tops after his parents die before he gets kicked out of his dark, cold, no-running-water house.
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33points
The researchers mention societal and economic shifts — including higher education levels, more women in the workplace, higher living costs, and more varied family structures — as the possible explanations for why fewer young adults are meeting these benchmarks.
Either way, the manner in which we hit (or don't) these and other similar milestones can absolutely influence how we develop our adult identities.
#9
My sister. Never went to college even though grandparents would pay for it. Worked low skill jobs all her life. Never saved money. Bankrupt at least twice. Now she’s in her late 60s and living off public assistance.
And of course, she thinks all her problems are someone else’s fault.
And of course, she thinks all her problems are someone else’s fault.
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31points
#10
Me. 33, live with my mom. Terrified of driving, so no car. Work full-time at a grocery store, no real ambitions. Lost my virginity at 31, never been in a relationship.
Pretty pathetic. I recently started learning Spanish though, so that’s something.
Pretty pathetic. I recently started learning Spanish though, so that’s something.
31points
#11
My high school friend.
We used to spend all our time as teenagers smoking weed and playing Playstation. Last time I saw him, he was in his 30's and still doing exactly that. From what I've heard, he's still doing that in his 40's.
We used to spend all our time as teenagers smoking weed and playing Playstation. Last time I saw him, he was in his 30's and still doing exactly that. From what I've heard, he's still doing that in his 40's.
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29points
#12
My brother wanted to move out. Parents bought him a house. Technically loaned him money for a house. But my dad kept immaculate financial records, and in 15 years my brother never paid back a single dollar.
Needed a car. Bought him a Mustang. Wrecked Mustang (at fault). Bought him a Camaro. Wrecked Camaro (at fault). Bought him an F250. All new cars. All while my parents paid his car insurance. At the same time he owned the cars, he totaled two motorcycles. At fault. 2nd wreck put him in the hospital for a few days, but my parents also paid his health insurance.
I haven't talked to my brother in over ten years, and five years ago I told my mom if she ever brought him up I would hang up the phone / leave immediately. So she doesn't. Last I heard, he was 42 years old and has never had a full-time job. Ever. I know she still writes him a check every month for about $3000.
Needed a car. Bought him a Mustang. Wrecked Mustang (at fault). Bought him a Camaro. Wrecked Camaro (at fault). Bought him an F250. All new cars. All while my parents paid his car insurance. At the same time he owned the cars, he totaled two motorcycles. At fault. 2nd wreck put him in the hospital for a few days, but my parents also paid his health insurance.
I haven't talked to my brother in over ten years, and five years ago I told my mom if she ever brought him up I would hang up the phone / leave immediately. So she doesn't. Last I heard, he was 42 years old and has never had a full-time job. Ever. I know she still writes him a check every month for about $3000.
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26points
#13
I used to work with the guy he’s in his 50s. lives with his parents who are in their 70s about to go into their 80s.
he doesn’t pay rent or bills. He doesn’t clean up after himself. He lives like a child.
he has a masters degree and a bachelors because his last two girlfriends had those degrees and he felt threatened so he just went and got them. He works fast food. He literally doesn’t have the skill set to use the degrees in the field. So he just works fast food.
on top of all of that, he feels sorry for himself because he thinks he’s really smart because he got those f*****g stupid liberal arts degrees and he volunteer to work at fast food when he applied for the job and he acts like he’s above all of it. It was such a pain working with him. I don’t work for the company anymore.
also, his wife left him saying she’s gay. She told him she’s gay, but she was lying -she’s straight. She just didn’t wanna be with him and he wouldn’t leave her alone so she pretended to be gay for three solid years.
he doesn’t pay rent or bills. He doesn’t clean up after himself. He lives like a child.
he has a masters degree and a bachelors because his last two girlfriends had those degrees and he felt threatened so he just went and got them. He works fast food. He literally doesn’t have the skill set to use the degrees in the field. So he just works fast food.
on top of all of that, he feels sorry for himself because he thinks he’s really smart because he got those f*****g stupid liberal arts degrees and he volunteer to work at fast food when he applied for the job and he acts like he’s above all of it. It was such a pain working with him. I don’t work for the company anymore.
also, his wife left him saying she’s gay. She told him she’s gay, but she was lying -she’s straight. She just didn’t wanna be with him and he wouldn’t leave her alone so she pretended to be gay for three solid years.
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23points
#14
Kid of close family friends I knew growing up.
He never grew up beyond his teens.
He's like in his 40s now and will ask if you want to play N64 or whatever console when you visit. He had every console ever plus a room of games. He never worked a job that paid. He never moved out. He doesn't even claim unemployment as that would need effort in this country.
He always demanded the latest toys and consoles etc even now in his late 40s from his parents. Never dated. No relationships ever. I feel bad for him. Not sure what he will do when his parents pass in a couple of years, already the dad is in care and his mum is close to it too.
He never grew up beyond his teens.
He's like in his 40s now and will ask if you want to play N64 or whatever console when you visit. He had every console ever plus a room of games. He never worked a job that paid. He never moved out. He doesn't even claim unemployment as that would need effort in this country.
He always demanded the latest toys and consoles etc even now in his late 40s from his parents. Never dated. No relationships ever. I feel bad for him. Not sure what he will do when his parents pass in a couple of years, already the dad is in care and his mum is close to it too.
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21points
#15
My brother in law and his wife.
They live in a tiny home that was once a shed on his wife’s parents’ property. They don’t pay rent. They don’t really pay any bills. Don’t pay taxes on the land. He has two part time jobs, she doesn’t work and stays home all day and draws. They cook maybe 2 times a week for themselves while her parents or my in laws cook for them, and they complain about wanting to start their lives but make no efforts to change what they’re doing.
They live in a tiny home that was once a shed on his wife’s parents’ property. They don’t pay rent. They don’t really pay any bills. Don’t pay taxes on the land. He has two part time jobs, she doesn’t work and stays home all day and draws. They cook maybe 2 times a week for themselves while her parents or my in laws cook for them, and they complain about wanting to start their lives but make no efforts to change what they’re doing.
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20points
#16
My own half sister. Age 30
She doesn't have children. She doesn't work.
She doesn't work or contribute to bills. Lives off of my parents. Screams and curses at them to pay her car payments and insurance for a car she doesn't drive.
She is on a stipend of money.
She sleeps all day and stays up all night...
The most they can get her to do, is to watch the pets while they (parents) are on vacation.
She bullies and has even hit my children, her nieces and nephews.
My parents have financially supported her, her entire life.
They have helped her several times get out on her own, even when moving to another state far away.
She keeps coming back.
She has absolutely no plans for a future or a family.
I was very hurt and upset when I heard that my parents would be leaving her their lovely home.
A home meant to size a family with children...
And the plan was allegedly to throw me some cash.
That's hurtful to me because I have struggled my entire life with partial paralysis since birth due to birth trauma.
Think light cerebral and Erb's palsy diagnosed.
I think because she is younger than me and more buxom, she is treated with favor by my Mother only.
Failure to launch syndrome is real.
She doesn't have children. She doesn't work.
She doesn't work or contribute to bills. Lives off of my parents. Screams and curses at them to pay her car payments and insurance for a car she doesn't drive.
She is on a stipend of money.
She sleeps all day and stays up all night...
The most they can get her to do, is to watch the pets while they (parents) are on vacation.
She bullies and has even hit my children, her nieces and nephews.
My parents have financially supported her, her entire life.
They have helped her several times get out on her own, even when moving to another state far away.
She keeps coming back.
She has absolutely no plans for a future or a family.
I was very hurt and upset when I heard that my parents would be leaving her their lovely home.
A home meant to size a family with children...
And the plan was allegedly to throw me some cash.
That's hurtful to me because I have struggled my entire life with partial paralysis since birth due to birth trauma.
Think light cerebral and Erb's palsy diagnosed.
I think because she is younger than me and more buxom, she is treated with favor by my Mother only.
Failure to launch syndrome is real.
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19points
#17
She "re-invents" herself at least twice a year. I've lost track of how many times she's "finally found [her] true self" over the years. From looks to hobbies to gender identity, it never ends.
She once told me that she thinks it's because she doesn't want to grow up, in addition to being highly insecure and dissatisfied with her life. She's a very kind person, but not to herself -- whoever that is.
She once told me that she thinks it's because she doesn't want to grow up, in addition to being highly insecure and dissatisfied with her life. She's a very kind person, but not to herself -- whoever that is.
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19points
#18
My brother, failed culinary school got dishonorably discharged from the army, got 3 separate girls pregnant, then married the last one only to divorce her, because she annoys him. Quit his best job and is living with my other brother. Now he thinks he can be a truck driver...
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19points
#19
My ex! He refused to get a job. He’d get so many opportunities, turn up for a week and leave. He also dropped out of his uni studies because he just couldn’t be bothered. What really used to bother me was that he’d rely on his grandma for birthday and Christmas money to buy video games and this was still going on in his late 20s. I broke up with him because I basically predicted he’d be spending his whole life living on a couch. That’s exactly where he is now… and he’s almost 40.
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16points
#20
One of my cousins;
He's 50 y/o, have never moved out of his father's house, has his wife and kids also living in said house, and rather than get a job, he will occasionally post a self published really bad (understatement) sci-fi novel on his goodreads, he used to have a website, but since I can't find it, I assume my uncle quit paying for the domain. The plot of his books can be summarized as follows;
Game of Thrones fanfic, but in space. Also occasionally you can tell which members of the family he was pissed off at when he wrote certain chapters.
He does all of this a*s-sitting, despite most of the family kissing his a*s and considering him a success story, solely because he has a PhD.
He's 50 y/o, have never moved out of his father's house, has his wife and kids also living in said house, and rather than get a job, he will occasionally post a self published really bad (understatement) sci-fi novel on his goodreads, he used to have a website, but since I can't find it, I assume my uncle quit paying for the domain. The plot of his books can be summarized as follows;
Game of Thrones fanfic, but in space. Also occasionally you can tell which members of the family he was pissed off at when he wrote certain chapters.
He does all of this a*s-sitting, despite most of the family kissing his a*s and considering him a success story, solely because he has a PhD.
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15points