Infidelity was traditionally associated with physical intimacy, but according to relationship expert Tracey Cox, it manifests in subtler forms in the contemporary era.
For example, it can involve developing an emotional connection with someone outside the relationship, potentially leaving a partner sidelined.
Secrecy, constant comparison, and deliberate dismissal of arguments can also gradually erode trust and create distance between partners.
Highlights
- According to a relationship expert, cheating can involve behaviors that diminish a partner’s importance, even without physical intimacy.
- Constant comparisons, misplaced priorities, and outside attachments can gradually erode a couple’s emotional bond.
- Secrecy and giving others more credibility than your partner can also signal a deeper lack of loyalty and respect.
So, where exactly should couples draw the line?
Here are seven behaviors Cox says should be considered cheating, even if they do not fit the conventional definition.
Comparing your partner to someone else can make them feel inadequate
Getting along well with a friend’s spouse is perfectly fine, but making them a benchmark for your own relationship can do more harm than good.
In a Daily Mail article published on August 12, Cox illustrated her point with a case in which a husband compared his wife to another woman after an argument.
“After one row, he said, ‘I wonder if Pete and Sarah argue as we do? I doubt it, she’s so relaxed, isn’t she?’”
When a husband says this to his wife after she complains about feeling overwhelmed while balancing work and children, she is likely to interpret it as him suggesting that she is falling short.
It can be even more hurtful if it makes the other person feel as though they “rank below” someone else.
Admiring other women openly can leave your partner feeling overlooked
When it comes to physically admiring another woman, Cox said she has “not met a single lady” who would be comfortable with her partner openly staring at other women.
Some, however, disguise this behavior as idolizing and assume that makes it acceptable.
Complimenting a celebrity’s “tight dress, high heels, lipstick and amazing body,” for instance, can still hurt a wife.
This can be particularly painful if she is juggling domestic responsibilities and has not had the opportunity to dress up herself in a long time.
Sharing important news with someone else first can weaken your partner’s place in your life
In one example shared by Cox, a woman encouraged her partner to apply for a promotion he deserved.
When he got the position, however, he did not think to share the news with her first.
“I got a call from his mother asking us to come over on the weekend to celebrate the good news,” she said.
And that’s how she found out.
“I know it’s his mom, but it really stung. I was the one who’d driven the whole thing, but he didn’t think to tell me first?”
Cox identified the man’s actions as “displaced primary attachment,” warning that this could eventually put his romantic relationship in trouble.
She said the behavior diminishes the “importance of your partner” in your life.
Watching a show’s finale alone may signal deeper relationship issues
Watching the finale of a show alone when you have watched the entire series together can signal a disregard for a “sacred” tradition shared by a couple.
“It might sound trivial, but failing to recognize the rituals that keep the relationship bonded is a big deal,” Cox said.
“Shared experiences are what keep couples bonded once the early intensity of a relationship fades,” she added.
“I have done it, and I genuinely feel guilty now,” a Redditor said.
“Being impatient is fine, but don’t drop spoilers,” another remarked.
Staying friends with someone who has wronged your partner can be seen as a breach of loyalty
A woman had a “massive falling out” with her cousin after he crossed a major line.
She knew her husband “got along well” with the individual but did not expect him to continue maintaining the friendship.
When she discovered that he had, she felt betrayed, and things became even worse when she learned that her husband had agreed that she had “overreacted” during her dispute with her cousin.
Cox said the husband had effectively failed the “loyalty test.”
“Continuing to see your partner’s adversary while laying on the charm is both a slap to the face and two-faced,” she said.
Being close with an ex can raise questions about lingering attachments
Failing to be transparent about continued contact with an ex can sour even the strongest of relationships.
One wife believed her husband was part of the same running club as his ex and was comfortable with the arrangement.
Things took a turn, however, when she discovered there was no club and that the two were actually spending time on their own during the activity.
Cox viewed this as a relationship that was supposed to have been severed but was continuing with the “same intensity years later.”
In cases like this, “something more than friendship is being maintained,” she said.
Valuing a friend’s opinion while dismissing your partner’s
“It’s incredibly common,” Cox said.
A friend may offer an opinion on parenting or politics, and your partner immediately agrees, impressed by what they say. But when you make the same point, it suddenly becomes “not that simple.”
“Giving more credibility to outside voices than to your own partner is a subtle but corrosive form of disrespect,” Cox argued.
The message it sends is clear: “You’re not as articulate or intelligent as the other [person]. Your view doesn’t count as much.”
This can leave a partner feeling “unheard and unappreciated.”
"Actions and words can be cheating. Thoughts are not cheating," a netizen said
