#1
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#3
Say less.
Relationship experts have actually studied why first dates go badly, and the number-one culprit might be surprising. According to psychologist Alexandra Solomon, curiosity is essentially nonexistent. In a world where you can Google someone's entire life history before the entrée arrives, people show up to first dates having already formed an opinion and probably already found an ick.
The other mistakes experts flag are, once you see them, impossible to unsee. Oversharing personal information. Fixating on whether chemistry is immediate rather than letting it develop naturally. And the big one, negatively discussing past relationships. "On a first date, people are attracted to daters who are positive, optimistic, and hopeful," said Dr. Terri Orbuch.
#4
I turned him down kindly over text and then blocked him when he blew up my phone. Security at my work had to remove him, twice, over the next month.
#5
She had told me she had a rough week when we were texting, and that she'd tell me more about it on our date
Date started out fine, little banter back and forth. Then I asked "oh so what's been going on this week?" She then tells me that her husband (who she hadn't mentioned before, but is separating from) was yelling at her all week because she is trying to get full custody of their kid (who she also had not mentioned before). And so to get back at him, she pretended to be gone so that her husband would come in and find her and be traumatized, but instead her kid was the one who found her. So now she's likely losing custody of the kid
We were about a half mile into a 5 mile hike. And THAT is why I do drinks/coffee as a first date from now on.
#6
The numbers around first dates are genuinely fascinating and slightly anxiety-inducing. A third of people decide whether they want a second date within the first fifteen minutes, which means the window for making a good impression is roughly the same as a YouTube ad you can't skip.
A further 20% of daters rank punctuality as the most important trait for a first impression, 50% say a great smile is the most attractive physical feature, and 77% consider talking about an ex the single biggest conversation turn-off. Which, given the stories in this thread, suggests that a significant portion of people are actively ignoring that last one.
#7
She shows up like 50 pounds heavier than her picture, looks older, and gives off crazy vibes.
I’m regretting the date, but make small talk to be polite. We start talking about basketball and the whether the 73-9 Warriors could beat the MJ Chicago Bulls.
I said the Bulls could win in their era and she started literally screaming at me “NO! NOOOO!” like a crazy person. Even her dog was looking at her like “W*F?!”
This conversation continued for several more minutes until she blatantly faked receiving a phone call, then said she had to go help her friend who was just in a serious car accident.
I played into the ruse by acting concerned, praised her for being such a good friend, breathed a sigh of relief as she walked out, locked my door, blocked her, and got drunk.
#8
Tiramisu wasn't on the menu. Never had been. She was somehow convinced it was.
#9
It wasn't just a red flag; it was a whole carnival of red flags. I excused myself to "go to the bathroom," paid the full bill at the bar, and left through the side door. I’m all for being friends with exes, but living with the person you're currently trashing on a first date is a level of drama I wasn't prepared for.
So what actually makes a first date go well? Research shows that 81% of people prefer meaningful conversation over small talk, 68% value a date who shows genuine interest, and an overwhelming 94% respond positively to good body language. Maintain eye contact, ask real questions, and put your phone away. It is not that hard, honestly!
The two most consistent findings across these studies are authenticity and basic hygiene, which sounds like an extremely low bar until you scroll through this thread and realize that a significant number of people are not clearing it. Just be yourself. Shower first. Ask some questions. This has been your guide to first dates. You are welcome.
#10
One came over. I had to rent the movie that he picked out which was a C rated movie at best and sucked horribly. I had to pay for the pizza. Then he tried his level best to get me to have s*x with him. He “lost his glasses” in my bedroom and needed help finding them. (Turn on the light and you will find them.) When he finally left…I went to my bathroom where I promptly had to wait to pee bc…he had peed all over the bathroom. (I’m assuming out of anger I wouldn’t sleep with him.)
The second one was a guy who was divorced and talked incessantly about his divorce. Dude had to file for bankruptcy bc he spent more on the lawyer than they had in assets. Then when he filed for bankruptcy he argued (and won eventually) the right to keep his 15k motorcycle that he was still paying on plus his expensive truck he was still paying on. He complained how he had no money. He wasn’t happy with me when I asked him why he didn’t sell both the truck and motorcycle to get something cheap that he could pay cash for. If looks could k**l. No dude…you aren’t getting a second date bc I would never be able to trust you with money.
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#12
At some point, first-date horror stories start being fully developed screenplay pitches. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days built an entire romantic comedy on the premise of deliberately sabotaging a date, and yet some of the stories in this thread make Kate Hudson's character look like a gem. Nobody in that film showed up already married and mentioned it casually over the starter like it was a fun fact.
The “running into an ex at the restaurant scenario” deserves its own cinematic universe entirely. There is a person in this thread who watched their date not only recognize an ex across the room, but get up, mid-date, and spend valuable time catching up with them while they sat alone with a bread basket and their dignity slowly evaporating. That’s enough to count as a villain origin story.
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#15
Sat at the table with our drinks and initially all was going ok, then he just got ridiculously drunk and he tells me a "funny" story about how he's the person behind the food going missing from the fridge in the communal kitchen. If he sees something he likes, he just helps himself.
I was absolutely disgusted. The fridge was used by students, most of whom were from disadvantaged backgrounds. There had been emails sent around and posters put up and people were rightly pissed off about their food going missing.
After the date, his admission and his general sloppy behaviour I totally went off him . I did report him to HR though and he got suspended!
The thing about red flags on a first date is that they are, in the most backhanded way possible, a gift. You didn't invest six months finding out this person screams at servers. You didn't waste a year discovering they're still technically married. You got the information in one evening, over a single meal, before you'd even decided if you liked their vibe. The universe was doing you an enormous favor with remarkable efficiency.
The research, the experts, and hundreds of comments all point to the same conclusion. A good first date isn't about being impressive. It's about being present, curious, reasonably punctual, and kind to the staff. That's genuinely the whole list. The bar is not high. So the next time you sit down across from someone new, just remember, you are already ahead of everyone in this article. That is not nothing.
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#19
I know people will ask but in short I got catfished. But being an incredibly stupid and hunger college student I stayed for the most awkward date ever. Only for mid way through her grandson showed up at the restaurant to talk to her. Then once I noticed he looked like me I ran out faster then i ever have in my life. I am still disturbed and confused about it to this day.
#20
I finished my drink and never saw them again.