9 Questions To Improve Your Self Love
By: Johnetta Cuff
These are some simple but soul-searching questions that will make you dig deep and really allow you to sit with yourself and explore your emotions, actions, and thoughts when it comes to yourself.
You are what you EAT (emotions, actions, thoughts) and that’s mind, body, and soul. What kind of energy are you feeding yourself? Is it in the name of unconditional love? So, sit with these questions without judgment and just become aware of compassion and kindness.
1. Do you unconditionally love yourself?
Well, wouldn’t that be the first question you would have to ask yourself to improve self-love? But in all actuality, most people will say yes automatically because they are looking outside in instead of inside out. Now don’t get me wrong there are people who love themselves unconditionally and its from an internal factor but most people including myself in the beginning of my self-realization journey I was loving myself on factors outside of myself such as validation from, friends, family, career and what I looked like outside instead of internal virtues.
2. Can you look in the mirror and tell yourself you unconditionally love yourself flaws and all?
If it is too hard to say that you love yourself, then start by saying something that you like about yourself and go within even if it hurts to dig deep. This is your sacred time, energy to give to yourself and you're worth it preferably naked if you can if not do it any way you can in the mirror and have fun with it. Start with one internal love a day and build it up as you go. If you need help sing your favorite LOVE song to yourself that uplifts your soul.
This was a hard one for me, the first time I did this I cried with my head down. My head was in my hands eventually. It pained me that I couldn’t stare into the seat of my own soul without the streams of Niagara Falls coming out of my eyes. I could hear the waves crashing against my eyelids and the hot streams rolling down my face. It got better as I started to do the internal work and breaking up the beliefs and habitual negative thinking within me. My self-esteem was shot but I was determined to operate at my infinite potential. The singing in the mirror built my confidence and soon a positive shift in my perception was happening.
3. What does unconditionally loving yourself look like to you?
This question will vary from person to person, but everyone’s response should be healthy such as releasing toxic relationships, toxic habits, toxic mindsets, etc. You're doing things that are healthy for you in mind, body, and spirit. It doesn’t have to be perfect but being in a relationship where you allow someone to disrespect you and tear you down is not loving yourself. Being in a career you hate is not loving yourself. Doing things, you don’t want to do, and I mean the things you don’t want to do because your getting the internal guidance to practice boundaries and do things from the heart. For me, it’s being able to speak up and being able to express myself unapologetically.
4. How do you show this to yourself and others? (Emotions, Actions, Thoughts)
For me it’s being able to speak up and being able to express myself unapologetically, it’s excepting all of me because I Am Whole! I own every aspect of my life and take accountability even when I’m being challenged because that’s the catalyst for growth. I respect my mind, body, and spirit, I also set healthy boundaries. This will also vary from person to person as well.
5. Do you feel you deserve love?
This answer should be an automatic YES! Why because you came from love, love never has to be earned it is given. We live in a society where conditional love is practiced, and it is programmed in the media, communities, households, and self that if we only had a certain person, place, or thing or if we looked a certain way physically, we would then deserve love. I was guilty of this myself I allowed people to use me and treat me a certain way or I would over give so that they would see me and love me because I felt I had to prove I deserved their love. That is the worst feeling ever, but I was also the person who became jaded and also did the same thing and I became like the people who did the same thing to me until I learned that even if you get hurt and in life you will you must keep your heart open. Learn your lesson and take with you the wisdom but don’t ever allow hurt people to change you into someone you are not.
6. What are your priorities in life?
Remember you are your biggest priority to assist you with your growth and becoming your true self you can only do that no one else can do that for you. This one was a big explosion for me. Since I could remember I was always helping other’s out since childhood but I never really did the things I wanted to do and if I did I felt it was wrong or selfish and then this developed into habits of being distracted by other people’s problem and life circumstances because somewhere deep inside I didn’t love myself to put me first even though I had these grandiose dreams and goals and knew deep down I was capable and willing to create my dreams but being distracted caused chaos, pain and a loss of time I couldn’t get back but I did learn those lessons. I had to learn to make myself a priority so that I could focus on my wellbeing and explore all aspects of myself. Every aspect of our lives should have a healthy balance as well.
7. What do you love about your life? (Personal Checklist)
I think this one is plain and simple. What makes you wake up and feel empowered to make your mark in the world? Whew child, it took me a while to really see what I loved about my life and to be grateful for it but to also be honest where I could make changes where I wasn’t happy or didn’t love an aspect of my life. This is another deep-diving question as well.
8. Do you love yourself enough to forgive yourself and others?
Forgiveness is the key to healing, growth, and just overall life. We have all been the hero and the villain at one point or another in our lives. Forgiveness is key because it’s for you and it teaches you maturity and humility. You must forgive yourself or it will KILL YOU! Read that again! If you don’t forgive yourself, it will KILL YOU! When I say KILL YOU, I mean internally because holding on will stagnate your life it will keep you in the situation and will replay repeatedly. So, let go. It’s hard to forgive yourself when you carry the baggage of guilt and shame. If you have done something that you know that wasn’t right, then you will have to deal with the consequences, but you must go through the process of forgiving yourself. Now forgiving others is also for you, holding on to heavy burdens in your heart, mind, and body will hold you back or KILL YOU! Don’t rent space to things you can’t change and shift your perception about what happens and remember there was a lesson to be learned whether it was at that time or down the road. I struggled with this as I use to hold on to past hurts and pains from childhood, but I had to learn that all things happen for a reason even if I don’t understand in the moment.
9. Do you have adventure and excitement in your life?
What hobbies or creative ventures are you into that allows you to feel free and bring excitement into our lives. This is key to a beautiful life as life is not all about work and to tap into creativity so that you are able to create the life you want from a place of joy, exploration, and inner peace. I have learned to try different things out of my comfort zone such as taking myself to Costa Rica as a gift on a whim and loving it. It was Pura Vida!
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