Boundaries are a vital part of any healthy relationship. That means establishing some ground rules with your family members as well. Though many of us tend to be more forgiving and lenient when it comes to our relatives, they still need to understand that some behaviors are definitely not okay.
Reddit user u/Rayshays recently went viral after sharing how her mother-in-law, who is sixty years old, tried to breastfeed the author’s baby without asking for consent. Read on for the story in full, as well as the advice the internet had to share about this sensitive situation. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Certain behaviors are completely unacceptable, even if someone is a family member
Image credits: Bia Octavia / unsplash (not the actual photo)
One mom revealed how her mother-in-law completely ignored all boundaries, and what happened next
Image credits: Monica Turlui / pexels (not the actual photo)
The author later had a short update for everyone
Image credits: Rayshays
The entire situation was extremely emotionally charged and raised a lot of important questions about inappropriate behavior
According to the author of the viral post, redditor u/Rayshays, her mother-in-law has been behaving in a rather strange way for quite some time now. The OP explained that her MIL tries to make her baby call her ‘mama.’ In fact, she insists on it.
However, things took a turn for the dramatic when, one day, the mother-in-law tried to breastfeed the baby while the author was taking a shower.
“She is not lactating in any way. She is not his mother. I didn’t give her any consent to fictionally breastfeed my baby. She is 60, and if anything would come out of that nipple, it would be DUST,” redditor u/Rayshays explained the context of what happened.
After the incident, both of the parents started enforcing stricter boundaries. They no longer allowed the MIL to see the baby until he was at least a year old. On top of that, until the sense of trust gets restored, the older woman won’t be allowed to feed the baby or give him water.
On top of that, until the sense of trust gets restored, the older woman won’t be allowed to feed the baby or give it water.
The author also thanked her readers for assuring her that she “wasn’t crazy or overreacting” in this emotionally charged situation.
There are a few main issues here. The first is that the mother-in-law appears to want to play the role of the baby’s mother. The second problem is that the MIL did not, at any point, ask for consent when it came to her attempts to breastfeed the baby. It’s also something she couldn’t do because she was no longer lactating.
The third challenge is to consider that the older woman may have some emotional or mental health issues that she’s dealing with. These may require the help of professionals to resolve.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
You may need to stop seeing people who constantly trample all over your boundaries without a care
We might not know all the details and nuances of the situation, but it is incredibly bizarre to try to breastfeed someone else’s baby. There are no questions here that anyone thinking of doing so has to get express permission from the parents. (Not to mention that these sorts of thoughts are bound to make almost anyone incredibly uncomfortable.)
It’s easier to respect someone else’s boundaries if you know what they are. You can enforce them either proactively (by telling someone about your expectations beforehand) or as needed (i.e. when they go overboard).
Either way, these conversations need to happen and cannot be ignored. Instead of you internalizing all the frustration and resentment you feel for someone behaving in an inappropriate way, you should use that time and energy for open and honest communication.
It’s up to you to decide how many ‘strikes’ someone is allowed until they’re ‘out.’ You need to give them a chance to correct their behavior.
However, someone who repeatedly pushes your buttons and ignores your requests clearly doesn’t respect you.
You may need to ask for some additional space. Take a break from having that person in your life. Let them earn your trust all over again after that break’s over and done with. They have to put in the effort to show you that they care about your boundaries and you as a person.
If that doesn’t happen, you may have to cut them out of your life or maintain only extremely limited contact.At the end of the day, it’s your and your family’s safety that’s your priority, not being liked by every single relative.
Image credits: Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo)
The mom shared some more context about what happened in the comments of her post
Many readers were completely horrified by what they read. Here are their thoughts
