If you are experiencing trouble in your relationships (romantic, professional, family, or any other), then injunctions might be part of the issue! You probably never heard of injunctions. So what are they? Injunctions are negative messages that you internalize from your parents when you are a child. These negative messages can go on to prevent individuals from having healthy relationships as adults. The sneaky thing about these injunctions is that they can be explicitly said by your parents (e.g. “don’t talk to strangers”) or their behavior can cause you to implicitly receive the message (e.g. “don’t be you”). In this article, I will give several examples of injunctions and you can see if any of them speak to you.
The effect of injunctions on relationships
Injunctions can prevent people from having healthy relationships because they often lead to negative patterns of behavior and communication. For example, a person who received the injunction "don't show your emotions" may have difficulty expressing their feelings to their partner. Similarly, a person who received the injunction "don't be selfish" may have difficulty setting healthy boundaries in their relationships.
The gallery below contains 10 common negative injunctions and how they can affect relationships.
After going through the list, are you starting to see how negative messages or injunctions that you received in childhood can have a significant impact on your adult relationships? These messages prevent the healthy self-expression, emotional intelligence, and boundary setting necessary for forming close connections with others.
However, by recognizing these messages and working to overcome them, individuals can begin to create healthier relationships and live a more fulfilling life. As a life coach, I specialize in helping individuals like you to identify and overcome these negative messages as well as eliminate the limiting beliefs that stem from them, enabling you to break free from negative behaviors that are impacting you.
If you're interested in learning more about how I can help you, visit my website at free2decide.com and let’s see how I can help you live a more authentic life that you decide for yourself.
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#1 "Don't be successful"
This injunction can lead a person to sabotage their own success in order to avoid upsetting others or appearing arrogant. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person downplaying their achievements or not pursuing their goals for fear of being judged. In the end, this will lead to resentment and a power imbalance in the relationship.
#2 "Don't be close"
This injunction can lead a person to avoid intimacy and emotional connections with others. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person being distant or unable to open up to their partner. When we are closed off, communication suffers, and the relationship can enter into bumpy territory that is difficult to resolve.
#3 "Don't be a child"
This injunction can lead a person to believe that they must always be responsible and mature, even in situations where it is appropriate to let loose and have fun. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person being overly serious or unable to let go and have fun with their partner. Your partner may feel like you are no longer interested in them or foresee a life with you that is not fulfilling.
#4 "Don't be different"
This injunction can lead a person to conform to societal norms and expectations, even if it goes against their own values or desires. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person suppressing their true self in order to fit in or avoid conflict. You may find yourself trying too hard to be just like your partner or agreeing to their expectations and desires too quickly and sacrificing your own. This leads to a lack of fulfillment for you and the relationship will suffer or fall apart as you are not able to find yourself in it.
#5 "Don't be important"
This injunction can lead a person to believe that their needs and wants are unimportant, leading them to put others' needs before their own. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person neglecting their own needs or feeling guilty for asserting themselves. You may also worry that you are so unimportant, that your partner might easily leave you. You might also become codependent, relying on your “more important” partner for everything. Codependent behavior may help you feel safe for a moment, but it will eventually feel like a burden for your partner and lead to serious problems in the relationship.
#6 "Don't be close to someone of the opposite sex"
This injunction can lead a person to believe that platonic friendships with people of the opposite sex are inappropriate or impossible. In a relationship, this may manifest as jealousy or mistrust towards their partner's opposite-sex friends. While part of this injunction could be rooted in your culture, taking it too far will come off as controlling and also lead your partner to feel like there is not enough trust in the relationship.
#7 "Don't make mistakes"
This injunction can lead a person to be overly cautious and afraid of taking risks. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person being unwilling to try new things or make mistakes, leading to a lack of excitement and spontaneity. You and your partner will feel like you are both stuck in a rut and more problems will follow.
#8 "Don't be angry"
This injunction can lead a person to suppress their anger or express it in unhealthy ways. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person being unable to communicate their frustrations and resentments effectively, leading to unresolved conflicts or eventually explosive displays that may turn violent. Overcoming this injunction is about allowing yourself to feel manageable levels of anger in appropriate situations in a healthy and constructive way that doesn’t inadvertently hurt others.
#9 "Don't trust anyone"
This injunction can lead a person to have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person being suspicious or paranoid about their partner's motives and actions. Your relationship may end up like that lyric from one of Evil Presley’s songs, “we can’t go on together with suspicious minds.”
#10 "Don't be happy"
This injunction can lead a person to believe that it is wrong or selfish to experience happiness or pleasure. In a relationship, this may manifest as a person being unable to enjoy positive experiences with their partner or feeling guilty for experiencing pleasure. Your partner may feel like a failure at making you happy as all attempts will have been unsuccessful.